


Warm Hands In The Dark

by Akiko_chaan



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Confession, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oneshot, band-au, changki, changki rise, fulfilled request, kikyun, taking care of each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 18:10:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12753507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_chaan/pseuds/Akiko_chaan
Summary: There were three times Changkyun woke Kihyun up in the middle of the night.





	Warm Hands In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is written based off an anonymous request on the MX Fic Requests Forum!  
> The request was: "Changki Band AU + Changkyun confesses to Kihyun "
> 
> I think this is a really beautiful concept, you can leave a request on tumblr or fulfill other people's requests!  
> I really hope that whoever suggested that idea likes this story! 
> 
> Thank you for reading ~

There were three times Changkyun woke Kihyun up in the middle of the night.

The first time, they had still been at the beginning of their career; even before they had debuted. It was a few weeks after their show No Mercy had ended, and while the relationship between the members had definitely improved compared to how they had reacted to Changkyun entering the broadcasts at a later time than anyone else at first, Kihyun couldn't help but feel a certain weight on his chest that seemed to suffocate him whenever he looked at the younger.

If Changkyun was still angry with them, he didn't let it show. Looking back, Kihyun knew he had actually never been particularly outraged about their reaction. Changkyun was one of the most understanding people Kihyun had ever met, and he had always understood it hadn't been easy for them to accept him at first. He beared no hate whatsoever towards any of them, but still, Kihyun felt guilty under his glance whenever he caught Changkyun looking at him.

Because Changkyun always seemed to be looking at him, somehow. Kihyun couldn't make any sense out of it, but it made him nervous and strangely comfortable at the same time. There was some chemistry between them that Kihyun noticed whenever they actually talked to each other, which didn't happen often at the beginning. However, Kihyun was determined to make up for the bad start of their friendship - he just didn't know how.

Actually, it ended up being Changkyun who got the two of them closer for the first time; even if neither of them would have expected it to happen like it did.

To Kihyun, Changkyun had always seemed like the type of person who was loving and kind towards others and their emotions, but more reluctant in showing his own, especially if he worried to burden someone. Kihyun had never noticed that anything was wrong with him, at least not until he woke up to Changkyun sitting on his mattress next to him, softly whispering his name.

There was some desperation in his voice that Kihyun had never heard from him before, and it made an unknown feeling arise in his chest as his still half-asleep brain progressed his words.

"Hyung, can I borrow your phone?"

He spent a few seconds just staring at Changkyun, who was almost invisible in the darkness of the room. The sound of soft breathing was the only noise audible; Kihyun wasn't too sure if it was Changkyun, Minhyuk or Jooheon he heard.

Then, he slowly shook his head, even though Changkyun wouldn't be able to see it. "I don't have a phone either", he tried to explain. He was almost entirely sure Changkyun had known beforehand; it was a rule of their company to give up their phones for a certain amount of time, and especially before the debut.

Still, he could hear Changkyun swallow in the silence, and something inside his chest began to hurt.

"Hey, is everything okay?", he asked with gentleness in his voice. He and Changkyun had never talked about anything more private than what directly concerned the band as a whole, and especially not while everyone else was sleeping. Yet at this very moment, Kihyun felt himself shifting to press his hand flat against the mattress, because he somehow felt like reaching out for Changkyun in the dark would be the right thing to do. He didn't.

There wasn't any noise for a while, and Kihyun was about to ask himself if he had just dreamt the other's words, when Changkyun whispered: "I miss my family."

It was a blunt statement, and although Kihyun had guessed Changkyun felt similiar, it still caught him unprepared. Everyone was missing their parents and siblings, and he should've known that for Changkyun as the youngest it had to be even worse. Yet, here he was, blinking rapidly in the darkness and trying to make sense out of his own thoughts.

He couldn't; there was just too much on his mind, and only when he heard Changkyun shifting to stand up, he noticed how much time had actually passed without him saying anything. Maybe Changkyun thought he was already asleep again, because his next words were just a quiet whisper: "Good night, hyung."

"Chang-", Kihyun managed to stutter, blindly reaching out, his hand meeting Changkyun's and keeping it tightly in his own to hold him in place. The warmth of his palms made something inside Kihyun's chest skip a beat, and he felt like he had just received an electric shock.

"I'm sorry for waking you up, hyung. I promise, it won't happen again."

Changyun's apology was followed by a pull on his hand, but Kihyun didn't let go. There was something in Changkyun's voice, a sense of loneliness and hurt Kihyun himself knew just too well. "No", he told Changkyun, voice a tiny bit too loud. "Don't go to bed like this. I'll make you hot chocolate in the kitchen, okay?"

One hot chocolate became two and a sentence became a conversation. Propping his chin on the palms of his hands, looking at Changkyun and the way his lips moved when he talked, the way his fingers rubbed along the surface of the table, Kihyun felt how open Changkyun wanted to be, how close all of these bottled-up words were to spilling out of his mouth, but there was something between them he didn't dare to break down. Maybe because Kihyun was older, maybe because of everything else that had happened, maybe because of something Kihyun had no idea it was even happening.

"Changkyun", he softly said when the other was taking a sip of his drink, and he could see Changkyun's eyes widen slightly. "If I promise you to tell you everything that is bothering me from now on, will you promise me to tell me if something is wrong, too?"

Changkyun smiled, the corners of his mouth moving like he wasn't too sure if Kihyun was serious. "Why? Are you trying to protect me, hyung?"

It should've been a joke, but when Kihyun answered with a yes, Changkyun almost choked on his chocolate. Coughing, he missed the way Kihyun pressed his right hand that had touched Changkyun's against his knee beneath the table, because it still felt like burning up.

Changkyun held that one promise, but broke another one.

He woke Kihyun up a second time, some time a few weeks or even months later. Kihyun was in deep slumber from the exhausting day they had spent with practice and promotions, an endless circle of work ever since their debut. With the night the both of them had spent in the kitchen, talking about everything and nothing, something had changed; something had changed in the moment Kihyun had said Changkyun's name, told him his promise or even before that, when he had held his hand - something had changed but Kihyun wasn't sure how to phrase it, the feeling inside his chest whenever he looked at Changkyun.

The same feeling inside his chest when Changkyun's hand on his shoulder woke him up one night. One moment, he was floating though infinite nothingness, in the next, Changkyun was pressing his fingers against the cloth of his shirt. His breath hitched in his throat as he opened his eyes, and then, Changkyun was already calling out his name.

"Kihyun-hyung", he whispered, but his voice seemed to be breaking. "Hyung, I can't sleep ..."

Kihyun furrowed his eyebrows, bringing his body in an upright position and trying to determine where Changkyun was. Judging by the weight on the mattress, he was sitting right next to him; as Kihyun leaned forward, he could feel the heat radiating off Changkyun.

"Hey, are you okay?", Kihyun asked, worry dominating his words as he reached out for Changkyun in the dark, his mouth dry from sleeping. But the next thing he felt was something wet on his hand, and he whispered: "Changkyun, are you crying?"

He was. "Kihyun ...", he whined, silent sobs interrupting his sentences, "I feel so bad. Everything hurts, I can't sleep ... I don't know what to do anymore, I tried to take medicine, but it didn't help, and now I wanted to go back to bed but I can't climb up the ladder, my legs hurt so much ..."

Kihyun felt like crying himself all of sudden, but he held back; he let Changkyun lean on him as they left the bedroom. When Changkyun sat down on the edge of the bathtub and Kihyun turned on the lights, both of them flinched. Changkyun from the sudden contrast to the darkness, and Kihyun from the sight in front of his eyes. Changkyun's hair was disheveled, a picture that made his heart flutter, but his eyes were red and the skin of his neck glistening with sweat.

"Shit, you have a really high fever", Kihyun said as he gently touched Changkyun's forehead, pressing his lips together and trying to concentrate on what to do. It was the middle of the night, they had promotions tomorrow and Changkyun was sitting in front of him with an alarming high body temperature.

"You always scold me when I curse", Changkyun whispered, trying to smile; Kihyun could see how tired he was, his eyes constantly closing as his fever didn't let him fall asleep. He was leaning backwards, and just before he fell, Kihyun took a step forward and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Changkyun sighed. "I'm feeling so hot, hyung ... don't touch me, I'm sweating ..."

"I don't care", Kihyun responded, helping Changkyun to lean against the wall.

Changkyun quietly laughed. "About what?"

Cursing, Kihyun wanted to say. Or: The fact you are sweating. Instead, the following words left his mouth: "About anything but you."

Kihyun told himself Changkyun was just staring at him like this as he pressed a cold tissue against his forehead because he was hallucinating or whatever the side effects of such a high fever might be.

When the others woke up in the morning, irritated by the fact it hadn't been Kihyun who had violently shaken them to full consciousness, they where met by an unsual sight in the living room. Changkyun was sleeping on the couch, a mountain of medicine packages that looked like the whole content of their medicine cabinet next to him, and a sleeping Kihyun with his face buried in the crook of Changkyun's neck kneeling on the floor next to the couch.

(Changkyun didn't promote that day. His fever had sunken during the night, but he still couldn't move without groaning. Kihyun didn't promote that day, either. He hadn't infected himself; he was just tired because he had stayed up for hours, watching Changkyun fall asleep, trying to ignore the fast beating of his heart, the delicate pain in the pit of his stomach.)

(He managed to more or less successfully ignore it until the next evening, when Changkyun's arms wrapped around his waist from behind him as he was cooking, the other boy pressing against his back. Kihyun let the whole pack of eggs fall down, and shushed Changkyun away to rest. And while he was wiping the remains of his hope off the floor, he finally noticed he was absolutely ruined by Changkyun - in the best way.)

But Changkyun eventually got better, and moved back into his bed to sleep. And although Kihyun was of course incredibly relieved to not see the other limping around the dorm anymore, he couldn't help but be annoyed at the fact he didn't have any reason to pamper Changkyun like this anymore.

At least until Changkyun gave him a reason - the third time he woke Kihyun up.

"Shhh."

Kihyun was a very deep sleeper. He had been all his life, and ever since he had joined the band it had become an even firmer characteristic of him. Sharing his room with three other people had forced him to become accustomed to the frequent noises of bodies turning, feet on the floor on their way to the bathroom and blankets being re-positioned. There was almost nothing that could wake him up - not Minhyuk's murmuring, not Jooheon's moving and especially not his nightmares.

There was almost nothing that could wake him up - except for Changkyun.

Because here he was - being slowly teared out of his deep slumber by something different, something subtle yet demanding that entered his conscience like a drop of colour spreading in a glass of water.

It took him some time to fully wake up, his mind caught in his dreams; he didn't remember what it had been about, but the taste on the tip of his tongue and the pulling, almost longing feeling in his stomach told him it had been one of those dreams. The dreams he hated and loved at the same time, the ones he dreaded and wished for at the same time; the ones always showing him the one person he wanted, but couldn't call his. Maybe he hoped for Changkyun to telepathically hear those dreams and wake him up once more; and maybe for the first time in months, it had worked.

Even as his eyes were still closed, he could clearly distinguish something wasn't normal, different than every other night, even different than the other nights Changkyun had been sitting next to him. And as soon as he heard his own blanket rustling, he was sure of it.

"Shsh."

He turned around, trying to see what was going on and why his blanket was moving, as his body was laying still. He didn't know what he had expected, but certainly not a shadow, a silhouette in the darkness of his room, someone laying next to him. Someone? Kihyun wanted to shriek in fear, but before any noise left his mouth, a hand laid itself over his lips, muting him.

"Kihyun", someone whispered his name, and even though he could see almost nothing Kihyun was sure it was Changkyun who had just said his name with that rough yet sweet voice of his. Dripping honey in Kihyun's ears. "Quiet. Please don't wake the others up."

After he was sure Kihyun had heard him he detached his hand from the other's lips. Kihyun had only now regained full consciousness, and whispered: "Changkyun, what are you doing in my bed?"

With the realization the maknae was indeed lying next to him, his frame touching Kihyun's side, came the unavoidable fluttering of his stomach. Sweaty palms, electricity in his chest, call it what you want - Changkyun always ruined him. He had ruined him since the day Kihyun had taken care of him, maybe since the day their hands had touched for the first time, maybe even since the day they had met. God, Changkyun ruined Kihyun in every way possible.

"I need to talk to you", Changkyun answered. Kihyun didn't know exactly how close he was. He sensed his breath on his neck.

"Now?", he asked, voice hoarse. "Why-"

"I need to do this while I'm still brave enough", Changkyun responded. Kihyun felt like there was something in the air after he had spoken these words, and his lungs were empty all of a sudden, emptier than they had ever been.

"B-brave?", Kihyun asked confused. He had become strangely used to Changkyun's presence, but him lying down next to Kihyun had never happened before. "Changkyun, you need to go to sleep-"

"No", the younger responded, and suddenly Kihyub could feel cold fingers on his skin, still on the cloth of his pajamas but moving up his chest to touch his shoulder. "Do you remember when we promised each other we would talk about anything that bothered us?"

Kihyun swallowed. "O-of course", he responded, voice faint. "Why are you talking about this now?"

The fingers were pressing against his skin, depriving him of every molecule of oxygen still left in his chest. "I had to think about it. I dreamt about you and when I woke up, I had to think about it and the fact that I promised it. I can't break my promise. And there is something that is bothering me."

Kihyun wanted to say something, but he was unable to. Changkyun being so close to him made him want to do things he normally only thought about when the other was in safe distance.

Changkyun's breath was so hot on his skin. "It's ... it's not really bothering me. The fact I haven't told you yet is bothering me. The fact that I'm going to go crazy if I don't tell you ..."

"Changkyun", Kihyun finally managed to stutter, but his next words were interrupted by Changkyun's answer.

"Hyung, I like you."

Maybe Kihyun forgot about his own words, maybe about everything else - something deep inside him was burning up and he was sure it was his heart.

"You l-like me?", Kihyun asked, his voice breaking at the end and Changkyun's breath on his ice cold skin so warm. He was going to burn down to ashes in a matter of time, and yet here he was, unable to respond with anything but a question.

"I like you, hyung." A repetition of the words, but still no understanding of them. "I've liked you too long not to tell you."

"You ... what?" Kihyun couldn't, he couldn't understand what Changkyun had just said, maybe he did acoustically, but not in a matter of sense and there was no way he could -

A rustling of his sheets.

Then, Changkyun's deep voice whispering in English. "Fuck it."

And then, he was kissing him. Just like this - body pressed against Kihyun's, hands not on the cloth but slipping beneath it ever so slightly, his fingertips on Kihyun's collarbones and his lips so sweet, so desirable, so sinful, Kihyun felt like he was burning up. Changkyun kissed him like there was no one else in the room, his tongue muffling the noises slipping out of Kihyun's mouth as he buried his hands in Kihyun's hair.

"I like you", Changkyun whispered again against his lips, his voice so deep Kihyun felt a shiver run through his body. "Do you like me, too, hyung?"

There was some kind of desperation in his voice and Kihyun felt like he was breaking apart.

He reached for Changkyun's neck. " God, yes."

(When the others woke up in the morning, they almost expected to see the two of them on the couch again. Minhyuk was the first to notice they were actually laying in Kihyun's bed, arms wrapped around each other, peacefully sleeping. A scream of joy would've slipped out of his mouth if it hadn't been for Hyunwoo quickly pressing his hand against the other's lips.)

(Because, for the first time in decades, both Kihyun and Changkyun were sleeping like they had finally found the right place to feel safe.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Instagram: @akiko_chaan  
> Twitter: @Akiko_chaan  
> Tumblr: @akiko-chaan  
> Wattpad: @Akiko-chaan


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